It was generally good- your vocabulary is good, and your word choice was pretty creative, but in some places it was awkward or too flowery.
The first sentence, for instance:
Quote:
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Through the thick, dramatic clouds I swooped down gracefully into an intensely beautiful landscape.
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"Dramatic" is kind of camp and "intensely beautiful" sounds a little awkward. Not to mention: the entire point of the paragraph you wrote was to explain to us the fantastic, profound beauty of your scene- yet by using the word "dramatic," you
told us what the feeling and emotion of the scene would be, and set the tone by clearly stating it; and by calling it all "intensely beautiful," you let us know exactly what you thought it looked like. Right there, with the first sentence, you told me what the scene was like and what feeling the view instilled. It made the entire paragraph redundant, and gave me, as the reader, no incentive to pay attention- because why would I, the reader, want to read about something I already knew?
Which is really a shame, because the rest of it was very well written and easy to follow. As I said, your word choice was great. You really gave my a clear image of what you were describing. There was really only one point that confused me:
Quote:
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Steam rose up from a bubbling cauldron of water that flickered about in numerous bubbles that glinted briefly in the sunlight
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I had no idea what you were talking about. A lake? A hot spring? A literal cauldron? Because the entire scene seems to be taking on an arial view, so wouldn't it be a little small to see? Honestly, I wasn't sure if you were using literal or figurative language here.
Other than that, though- great! Hope to see more of your works aroun the site, these forums seem to be in desparate need of good, active writers lately.