This is pretty good for a first character. Here's what I qould like you to fix up:
- He needs a strengths section. Things like being skilled with the bow, good survival skills etc. go in here.
- Elaborate on the pendant. How does he use it? How does it work? When does he use it?
- Include a set of clothes in your 'Appearances' section.
That is all, I think. Excellent job for a first time ^^;
EDIT - I have a tiny niggle with your bio. It's just a little formatting error.
Quote:
“What happened here sir?”
The man replied softly, “The Tohiro Army came and wiped our village out…”
When Akėtsune heard Tohiro, he collapsed and shead one tear for his father.
While holding out a sack of coins, he said “ I ask that you take this. I do not need this extra coin. You need it more than I. Take it, find a new home and family.”
After telling the man this, he stood up and walked off into the woods on a mission. The mission being to bring down the Tohiro Army.
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You were right to put a line between the words of Akitsune and the old man, but here in the BA we format it further. It should read like this:
Quote:
“What happened here sir?”
The man replied softly, “The Tohiro Army came and wiped our village out…”
When Akėtsune heard Tohiro, he collapsed and shead one tear for his father. While holding out a sack of coins, he said “ I ask that you take this. I do not need this extra coin. You need it more than I. Take it, find a new home and family.”
After telling the man this, he stood up and walked off into the woods on a mission. The mission being to bring down the Tohiro Army.
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It may look too spaced out, but it is just the way we do things here :]