Okay, I like your style of writing, but I'm a little hesitant on where to place you. Therefore, I won't place you in a class (metaphorical as it may be...) until I've seen a little more from you.
Firstly, you hould always spell numbers out. '30' should be 'thirty', '5' should be 'five', et cetera.
Quote:
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As he sped thru the canopy
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That should be 'through'. ^^
Quote:
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it's shiny surface refracting the light into his squinting eyes.
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An apostrophe is used for possession only with nouns. 'it's' is only used when it could be 'it is'. Therefore, that should be
'its'.
Dome is a proper noun, and should always have a capital letter. :3
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"As good a place as any" he quipped, his manner now noticeably improved, given that he had finally reached the dome.
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Some form of punctuation (period, comma...) should always finish inside the speech marks. In this case, it should be a comma, making:
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"As good a place as any," he quipped, his manner now noticeably, given that he had finally reached the Dome.
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You also shouldn't bolden speech. :3
On the whole, that was a nice post. ^__^ I don't require you edit it for this time, though you will need to in the future.
Assignment: Have Fatalis enter the Dome, describing everything vividly. He'll see a resceptionist, who'll tell him that Heishuro Maruchi will be with him shortly. End the post with him hearing his name shouted. 350 word minimum.
Don't fret too much over the word minimum, it's not vital. You should, however, aim to reach it.
Have fun. : ]
~Kitsuné~