Problems with your draft:
#1: There are no sources. You need historical evidence to represent what you are talking about.
#2: It seems like you understand how each system works, and give hypothetical examples, but no historical examples. Yes, China is a communist nation, however why don't you go into details of how China does not necessarily conform to the ideal communism? (For instance, in China there are many people that are richer than others, and most personal freedoms are restricted.)
#3:
You are wrong. Only lords and nobles benefited from feudalism, and you provided no evidence as to how a rich lord sitting and eating a feast while serf's broke their backs in the fields while barely feeding themselves is beneficial to anyone but the rich lord, and if it somehow was beneficial, perhaps some
historical evidence to support this would help to support your argument. Also, your statement "you get lots of food." is generally untrue and not historically accurate, also never use qualitative arguments in an academic paper. Lots to you, may not be lots to anyone else. Give an example and state an amount.
#4:
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Well, there would be no more arguments on the land that much. Or it could make more arguments. Depends. This would also let people feel more better with their jobs.
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This section is not correct, there were land arguments in China. In fact, there was a civil war after the last emperor was deposed, which I would consider a rather large land argument involving the entire nation.
Perhaps you should delve into how Taiwan (which was part of China) did not become a communist nation, and how the Chinese communism is becoming more free market and moving away from the ideal communism.
#5
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Not three sections like, “Ok, we have serfs over here, lords land over here, and church land over here”.
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This section can go entirely, since you will cover it by saying how it was managed. Also, NEVER use "ok" in academic writing.
#6:
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This would also let people feel more better with their jobs.
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This definitely needs historical evidence, as well as all of your other statements. Get some sources and cite them, or else your paper cannot be considered academically sound, and thus not suitable to turn in. (I cannot stress this enough.)
#7:
This is not a sentence.
I think you have a decent rough draft, but you need to do some research to find historical evidence to support your claims. I would also suggest thinking through your conclusions one more time, especially about how feudalism could benefit everyone, and then modify your conclusions accordingly.
I am not saying that you couldn't find some historical evidence that feudalism was beneficial, just that it would be much easier for you to prove it was socially injustice and unequal in the extreme. (Although, feudalism might be better than anarchy.)
I guess you were referring to manorialism, but that is essentially a subset of feudalism. To find more specific examples, for instance nations that practiced the economic policy, I would switch manorialism to feudalism because then you can discuss the Lord's fealty to the king and other things to slightly broaden the topic while still maintaining your conclusions.
For writing academic papers, in general:
-Never use the word "You" or refer to the audience while writing, it implies something about the reader which may make them feel negative.
-Never use words like I, we or us, or any other term used to put the work into first or second person. Only use words like he, she or they, keep the work in third person.
-Don't use conjunctions. Use cannot instead of can't, do not instead of don't.
-ALWAYS cite your sources and have documentation of evidence.
-You need an introduction and a conclusion, your essay has neither.