Welcome to the Beginner Class.

Before you go on, I want you to go back in there and check your spelling and grammar errors. Make sure every word is spelled right, and that your grammar is up to speed. One thing you should watch out for is periods at the ends of sentences. Your dialogue format seems better than the other things, though. Just be sure to start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks.

EDIT: Upon closer inspection, I have found that your post lacks length and body. This is more or less the most common beginner problem, but it's also one of the more easier ones to remedy. All you have to do to lengthen your post a bit is describe things. Instead of hopping from key point to key point, describe what the area around your character looks like, what he's thinking, or other things similar to that. Anything to fill in the gaps between those key events will help you fill out that post.

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There are no stupid questions, but there are a hell of a lot of inquisitive idiots.
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