"Dead as dead can be," my doctor tells me..."

"Johnny Bones and Captain Breña Howerdel. He has an appointment."

The music in the Cock-Eyed Seagull was so loud that it permeated the walls and floated into the anteroom where a dull-eyed bouncer stood guard in front of a ramshackle wood door. If anyone...directly untouched by divine or hellish power, let us say...had entered, they would be forcibly removed. If a SWAT team entered, they would be removed. Bullets probably would just bounce off the bouncer's thick hide. When he moved, muscles had to jump around to make room for other muscles.

Nevertheless, he stepped back as Breña approached.

...but I just can’t believe him, never the optimistic one...

Johnny felt and looked more like a prisoner than a reveller. His hands still dripped blood and his once pristine jacket had bloodstains on it. The demoness had an iron grip on his arm--he was convinced he was losing circulation--and he was unarmed. The bouncer gave him a long stare.

"He divine?" the man grunted.

Johnny muttered, "'Course I'm divine, you..." His voice trailed off, mumbling curses. Breña flashed him a satisfied smirk before nodding.

I’m sure of your ability...

The bouncer grunted again and opened the door for them. "Intermediary's in a meeting," he rumbled. "Wait inside."

Wincing and cursing as the tainted wounds throbbed, the zombie allowed Breña to haul him into the bar.

To become my perfect enemy.

A thin fog filled the air, broken by the occasional flash of dim red lights but augmented from cigarette smoke. A blonde woman pole dancing commanded the attention of quite a few male occupants, but others chatted with each other, knocking back shots of whatever alcohol was at hand. Still others sat with women, in various stages of heterosexual conversation, from light talk and light kissing to no talk, making out and feeling up.

Unfortunately, Johnny thought, there were no lesbians at that time.

Wake up and face me, don’t play dead cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say, “You disappoint me,”
Maybe you’re better off this way...

They sat down at a table in the back, Johnny complaining every step of the way until Breña threatened to puncture his lungs with a butter knife. That shut him up. She'd carried out a violent threat before, after all. He contented himself to the occasional hiss of pain.

The bartender, a weedy earth-bound angel with a long, thin moustache, brought Breña a glass of red wine and kindly offered Johnny a wet rag to clean the blood off of his jacket before he saw the Intermediary. In return, Johnny kindly offered to remove the man's spleen. Before violence could break out, Breña waved the bartender away, pulled out her pistol, and used a napkin to polish it idly.

Johnny eyed it warily. "Captain in what?"

She didn't glance up. "Middle Dimension Divine and Forsaken Peacekeeper Battalion."

"Eh?"

"Earth-bound Heaven and Hell police."

"Ah...I still don't get it."

Breña sighed. "You're an idiot." Johnny shrugged good naturedly, keeping his bleeding hands on the table. "Peacekeepers arrest any divine or Forsaken being on Earth that breaks the rules. Openly tries to sway humans, for instance. We demons are supposed to whisper malignantly into people's ears, not control their minds. If someone does that, we stop them. Simple as that."

Johnny nodded. "Gotcha. How many people've you killed?"

She glanced up at him through tilted blue-green eyes. "We don't kill people."

"Yeah, right. You carry a friggin' Deagle and you actually use it. Kill, assassinate, 'marginalize,' whatever you want to call it. Speaking of guns, I don't suppose you want to heal me?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Thought not."

She sighed and holstered the silver pistol. "I can't discuss it with civilians."

"I'm a detective."

"We're more like the Boston staties."

"Hardcore. Captain's the highest rank?"

"The second," she corrected. "Commander is the highest."

"The Intermediary."

Breña snorted. "Obviously."

"You must get paid well. That's a nice car." Johnny had hoped she'd warm up to him through compliments on rank and possessions--complimenting her beauty would probably not be wise--but she shrugged and didn't smile.

"Payment is...different. For everyone. And you rarely get the same payment twice."

"It's good, though?"

"Yes."

The demoness pulled out her cell phone and flipped it open, examining the screen. Johnny watched her out of the corner of his eye, considering. Policing, huh? He was used to chasing after criminals almost as much as being chased by the cops because he was a criminal. One of the best. It'd be easy money. Maybe the--

"The Intermediary will see you now," Breña said, snapping the phone shut. Johnny treated her to his trademark cocky grin.

"Can't wait."

__________________
Kellson (Deceased). Johnny Bones (Only Technically Deceased).A witticism goes here.