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Old 12-24-2007, 02:29 PM
Silver Silver is a male Silver is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Arrakeen
View Posts: 2,987
Re: Valkyhn Version 2

Alright.

I went back to look at your original bio for this character, mostly to see what you were changing, and got a bit of encouragement in this: drop the personal comments. This is a fact sheet, if you will, about your character. Like a very minute book about his life (a biography, to be exact), you need to keep out the stuff that detracts from the writing. Now, it's your personal choice how you write, and I'm not standing in the way. This is just a suggestion. Write your character the same way you would write a roleplaying post.

The main reason for this is because your personal comments (on measurements?) detract attention from the points of the bio which are actually important. Just a suggestion.

I'm going to ask you for more in personality. This is because he's a version 2 character. If he were a first-time, never-used character what you have would be fine, but this is an upgrade. He's met people, he's fought, and it would be ridiculous if he stayed the same exact way the whole time. Especially if that's all his personality was. Second version characters should have more personality, not the same amount, and especially not less.

No comments on appearance or biography. Both seem alright at first glance.

Once again: take out the personal comments, please. If only for the sake of approval, take them out. You can add them back in later if you want. I want to see the actual bio, not your comments on the bio. Your comments aren't what's being approved.
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