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Old 11-20-2007, 03:22 PM
et cetera. et cetera. is a male Antarctica et cetera. is offline
amazing division, how sweet the sound.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: broken.
View Posts: 4,285
Re: The Synchronizer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wielder of the Sword View Post
Technically, I'm not a Councilor anymore, so my approving privileges should disappear. Officially, that is. Unofficially, I'm still more than qualified, and I doubt they'll have any complaints. The Council could use a little help. That being said, on to your character!

Interesting... Are you a first-time RPer? If not, then kudos on a job well done. I have only two complaints.

1. In the appearance section, you describe her attire but not her bodily appearance. In particular, you should describe her facial features with greater detail. For instance: shape of head, size of mouth, position of eyes... That sort of thing.

2. The bio is excellently done and, while the excitement factor could use some fine-tuning, you weave an interesting tale without making it too long. Good amount of detail. There is one more thing I'd like you to address, though: family life. Knowing a character's childhood years can help the writer develop a closer connection with the character and write her more effectively. That, and it'll also help your fellow RPers interact with her more realistically.

Take care of these two things, and you've got your approval.
I am not technically a first time RPer. My first time RPing would be...April 18 of this year. So I'm not exactly an expert either.

1) Shape of head? Position of eyes? It seems kind of redundant to say "her head is round, like most humans, and her eyes are set above and on either side of her nose." Which is why I didn't say that. I did, however, edit the post to say her mouth is somewhat small. I don't usually think with much detail about the shape and size of my character's features.

2) This will involve some thinking on my part...I'm not sure where in the biography I can insert this. I guess I'll get working on it though.
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