All fixed, and a few points of non-issue:
- 3/three: Gah! this is one of the things I always look for when I write! I can't believe I missed not one, but TWO of these...
- [;]: I'm usually good with semi-colons, but I guess I missed one; maybe that was a part I edited later and forgot to fully fix?
- k/now: I really should have read through my piece more thoroughly after finishing it - this is the type of thing I automatically see when reading anything.
- I was worried about drag, but when reading something, my innate sense of knowing what's going on can't tell the difference between drag and compulsive reading, as I always finish what I start. (except the Discworld series, but that was a point of uninteresting books after interesting cartoons... maybe I should read the books the cartoon was based on?
)
- Over 2250 words, and only 4 problems? This really is a good piece of work then.
EDIT: I found a point which you did not!
Quote:
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the librarian trailed words a few times while studying the portal, but, surprising Raven, suddenly swung around to face Raven, "would you permit me to study this further?
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The name is repeated too close together; I'll be changing that second one to "her".