Welcome to the Beginner Class! Here's some thoughts I have about your post.
1) Whenever you do a lesson, I prefer that you do it in a Word Processor with a Spell Check function. If this is not possible, then look up a spell-checker on Google and run your post through it prior to posting. Also, be sure to look through your post for grammar mistakes.
2) You're on the right track with your onomatopoeias (sound-effect words). However, the
correct way to put them into your writing is to simply italicize them in the sentence and move on as if they were a completely normal word--that is, without separating them from the rest of the sentence with dashes. It is also acceptable not to italicize them, but for now, just stick to italicizing. Also, try not to make them all-caps to show emphasis. All-caps is looked down upon as mediocre in the writing world, with very few exceptions. If you want to show emphasis on an onomatopoeia, it is acceptable to put an exclamation point at the end of the onomatopoeia, but do not treat this exclamation point as the end of the sentence; just continue the sentence as if the exclamation point weren't there.
3) Before you move on, I want you to go through your post and figure out where one thought carries into another. What I mean by this is, find where you would break it into paragraphs. Paragraphs include a bunch of sentences that relate around a single event. Now, you don't have the whole scene in one paragraph, but when mentioning things relating around a single thought (and by this I
don't mean your character's thought), it's generally accepted to place them all in one paragraph. However, in your lesson, you wrote several different thoughts in one paragraph. Don't worry about length; I want to see if you can find on your own where the paragraphs would separate from one another in your lesson. If you have trouble, please don't feel afraid to ask.
That's about it. Once you do all of that, let me know and I'll see if you're ready for a new lesson.