Okay, let's start:
First, an issue with what's called parallel structure:
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Within the void, there was nothing - neither light nor darkness, no forward or backward, left or right. Nothing. Tera did not know how long she had floated there, for there was no time there either.
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You begin a rhythm here, with the listing of things, and you start it off using "nor". Therefore, to keep that rhythm going, the rest should read like this:
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Within the void, there was nothing - neither light nor darkness, nor forward or backward, nor left or right. Nothing. Tera did not know how long she had floated there, for there was no time there either.
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Read this aloud to yourself. Then read your original version. Do you hear how this one flows better?
Here's another example of an error in parallel structure that might help you understand:
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Johnny ate an apple, was going to the newsstand, and has bought a magazine.
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Read that to yourself--it doesn't sound right, eh? Now, this is the same sentence fixed to make it have a correct parallel structure:
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Johnny ate an apple, went to a newsstand, and bought a magazine.
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When the parts of a list like that all have agreeing verb forms, it has parallel structure, and the rhythm of the sentence is greatly improved.
Don't worry if you don't understand this now--we'll work on it more later if you need to. ;]
Punctuation error here:
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During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think.
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You only use those quotes around a word when you're writing a quote inside of a quote (for example: Katie said, "Mom told me you have to 'clean your room or you can't go to the movies!' ")
For this situation, the word "time" should be in those double quotation marks, as I have it in this very sentence.
Formatting issue here:
Quote:
During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think. Tera thought it was safe to assume that it was "find a way out" which the other Tera had said, albeit with a few more words tacked on at the start, but all of her efforts to escape had been fruitless so far.
Her time to think however had inevitably led her to ponder the nature of the void; it seemed to be both infinite and infinitesimal, so escape would probably not lie in being in a certain location within the void. The void was created from the mix of her magick's chaotic energies, and the unknown construct of an illusion formed from music, although how an illusion created something with which one could interact was beyond what Tera knew.
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You should be hitting enter in-between every paragraph, leaving a line of space to separate each one. This set of two therefore should look like this:
Quote:
During the 'time' she had been in the void, Tera had had time to think. Tera thought it was safe to assume that it was "find a way out" which the other Tera had said, albeit with a few more words tacked on at the start, but all of her efforts to escape had been fruitless so far.
Her time to think however had inevitably led her to ponder the nature of the void; it seemed to be both infinite and infinitesimal, so escape would probably not lie in being in a certain location within the void. The void was created from the mix of her magick's chaotic energies, and the unknown construct of an illusion formed from music, although how an illusion created something with which one could interact was beyond what Tera knew.
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This same error appears later in the post, so find that and fix it as well.
Capitalization issue here:
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Remembering that when she last saw the real world, she had tried to will herself there just beforehand; Tera decided to use a different approach to her situation this time: She would will herself to elsewhere within the void.
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The "s" of "she" should be lowercase--it's not the beginning of a new sentence, but merely part of the sentence that follows the colon.
And there's one more error worth pointing out:
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"You already have." came the reply.
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There should be a comma, not a period here, so that it reads as:
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"You already have," came the reply.
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That's all for this post. Nice work! I think for now I'll be teaching you with Louis Fritz, as there are still a few things we need to work on before moving onto more stylistic aspects of writing. Fix the errors I've pointed out to you, and then I'll give you a new lesson as soon as I can.