Sorry for such a long wait. <_<
Here we go:
Firstly, I'd like to point out an issue here, albeit a slightly picky one:
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Incathuga pushed on the gates. Crap, they’re sealed from the inside. Maybe I could warp in. He tried to warp, but couldn’t because of a spell stopping warping near the gates. Probably put it on the dome too. If they’re a teaching establishment, why are they keeping everyone out?
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The bolded sentence sounds too certain--too sure of exactly what's preventing him. This is third-person voice, but it's still following after Incathuga as he's discovering things and experiencing things himself. I think it would be better written as follows:
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He tried to warp, but couldn’t--apparently there was some sort of spell that prevented warping near the gates.
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You don't have to go with that exact structure, but change it around so that there isn't just a bland statement of fact there.
Another slightly picky error here:
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Incathuga looked around and saw a steep cliff he might be able to climb. He stuck a hand into his cloak and pulled out a bag. After digging through the bag, which was dark blue and tied at the top with a yellow string, he took out a hookshot he had found in Hyrule a few weeks earlier.
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The description inserted here is sort of unnecessary, and the way it's done messes with the flow of the sentence. I'd remove it altogether, or integrate it more smoothly, like this:
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Incathuga looked around and saw a steep cliff he might be able to climb. He stuck a hand into his cloak and pulled out a bag of dark blue cloth and yellow string. After digging through the bag, he took out a hookshot he had found in Hyrule a few weeks earlier.
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This way, the bag's described when it's first mentioned, and it's a little less intrusive to the action--we aren't stuck with a description of how it looks while we're waiting to see what it contains.
Noun-pronoun agreement error here:
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I could climb with my daggers, but it might break before I got up.
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The word "daggers" is plural, and therefore the pronoun used to refer to them should be "they" and not the singular "it". If you have any questions about that, let me know.
That's all for specific errors. All in all, your ideas for this were great, but I would have liked to see a bit more description about all of the challenges and fights, however brief they were. Dakota's already returned, so I'll allow him to give you your next lesson once you've corrected the errors I spoke of.