Here we go:
First, just a nitpick:
Quote:
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“When they asked me to leave the colony, I figured there might be SOMETHING interesting out here. Anything, really,” UZ thought out loud.
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Generally here in the BA, we italicize a word, rather than capitalizing it, for emphasis. It looks a bit neater and more professional. ;]
One more here:
Quote:
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It had been 3 weeks since he was forced out, and the only thing he had received thus far was a mild case of frostbite.
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With numbers less than ten, it also looks--bah, I hope you don't grow bored of me saying this--more professional and somewhat neater to write out the word for the number. So, in this case, you would type "three" rather than "3". 'Tis just a good habit to have as a writer. ^^;;
Missing a comma here:
Quote:
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He threw his head back, and in a voice that would surprise many coming from such a small creature, roared “I need something to happen!”
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One is needed after the bolded "roared", since dialogue follows.
Another small error here:
Quote:
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UZ quickly slithered towards the dark entrance, thinking “Well, I suppose this does qualify as ‘something happening.’”
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With the quote inside a quote here, you need a space between the punctuation marks. It should look like this:
Quote:
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UZ quickly slithered towards the dark entrance, thinking “Well, I suppose this does qualify as ‘something happening.’ ”
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And that's all the errors I've spotted. Good work!
Here's your next lesson: Have UZ enter the Dome through the front doors, only to find himself in a labyrinth of hedges and greenery that would lead one to believe they were still outside. With no way to see what's around each corner, he'll have to wander his way through the maze, and as he moves, sounds of large, hostile creatures somewhere nearby will hint at possible danger at every turn. End your post with him finding his way out of the maze and into a dark hallway. 600 words minimum.