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Originally Posted by Mayor Adam West
The burning houses and bones on the floor where giving him the creeps.
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Were.
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"Where there's a beach, there's shade!" Agno excalimed excitedly, and rushed full pelt towards the beach.
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Besides the typo, there shouldn't be a comma, because there are only two actions in sequence, not three.
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Originally Posted by Midnight Queen
She had been on the fishing village for over a month.
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In, my dear.
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They had been missing or hiding of something.
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Hiding from something, maybe?
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“What’s the matter?” She asked to the owner of the inn.
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Lowercase "s" because the word qualifies the dialog.
That should be "after all had been said," or something similar.
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Aira hold tight during all flight,
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Held and
the.
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from the beach where they stand.
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Stood.
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Originally Posted by HylianShroom
Aristaos wore his black tunic and belt, but felt no need for his armour.
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We don't generally use a comma in this case unless the second phrase is an independent clause.
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If anyone were to ever ‘become at peace with themselves’, this was it.
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Punctuation always goes inside quotation marks.
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Originally Posted by Arin/Knight
A shadow appears between to trees, walking. A man is illuminated in the sunlight pouring down from atop the trees. He walks closer.
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That's present tense. We're using past tense.
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He jumped back, just as the ball made contact with the ground.
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No need for the comma.
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The man looked up. Floating, in the sky, was another man, who basically looked like Future Trunks from Dragon Ball Z, only with red eyes and an empty sword case. (OoC: Yes, I know, I copied a character design, but what can I say, he looks cool. BTW, he's got the same voice as him too.)
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There are two things wrong with this. First of all, you never say "he basically looked like such and such." It may be alright here, but it would never fly with a teacher or a publisher. Second, you just awoke my need to play DBZ: BT2.
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"What are you doing," Arin asked Haven.
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That should be a question mark.
A
ripple.
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Originally Posted by nikuvillain
the Demon didn’t know how much longer his could go on.
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He.
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He swung his massive sword around as he spin around.
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Spun.
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he said coldly* noticing what seemed to be a letter on the glass floor.
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Comma where the asterisk is.
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Originally Posted by Blades
Your just wandering for the sake of it now, he thought angrily at himself.
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Should be "you're."
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He needed to survive long enough, to find power.
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No need for the comma.
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Kraton pull on Bloodfury to hoist himself to his feet.
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Pulled.
And with that, I'm tired. I'm going to head to bed and I'll have my post up sometime tomorrow.
Edit: Slight delay. A friend came over unexpectedly, and I can't the time to write my post. Tomorrow!
