Quote:
Originally Posted by Pàxèn
:glare
Where was I? Ahh right.
Ohh well the imagery is good, you seem to have a clear vision of what you are trying to get across. However you stumble a few times, you have the skill but not the vocabulary. Overall I think you've laid it out quite well, it reads fine but... and this is just a slight observation here, you are trying FAR to hard to be abstract.
Right to the point where you have lost the original meaning.
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Abstractions
can be a hard habit to break. Thank you, Pax, for taking the time to evaluate at least a single bit of this poetry. After all, I do agree with the maxim that there can never be enough practice. Also, yes, I have been a bit prideful over the years over never taking the time to use more colorful wording. I'll make a point to start studying some terms.