I thought I would make things a little bettter than "fine" with a post ^.^
Your imagery in the prologue and once again when bartering with the stabler is top-notch. I really felt like I had been sucked in and was watching Kartaikian do these things. However, I did feel like you had talked about smoke and storm clowds just a little too much at the start. Perhaps you could get a thesauras and try to work that out in future works?
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Lysis
As the dawn stretched its rosy fingers over the horizon, Kartaikian opened his eyes to a new day.
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I am in love with this sentence. The sun's rosy fingers is brilliant; a truly fabulous metaphor!
Keep writing this, Lysis! It is really great work and I would love to see you steer it away from the common fantasy genre.