Sorry I took so long to respond. Just got back from a trip and a birthday.
Wow ... not bad. You've got a very intriguing style. I like it. However ... you've still got some things to learn on the mechanics of writing. Just some little things. So for now, you're in my intermediate class.
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‘Why did I have to pick to go here, of all places?’ Misaki thought to herself.
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I see this a lot. Even my advancies have made this mistake. Thoughts are not dialogue/quotations. It's narrative, so it goes by narrative rules, not dialogue/quotation rules.
All you do for inner dialogue/thoughts is italize it. No quotation marks of any kind. You don't even need "Misaki thought to herself." Though you could keep that by doing this:
Why did I have to pick to go here, of all places? Misaki thought to herself.
See?
You also did that here:
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‘That person is my only lead to get out of here’ thought Misaki as she felt behind her, a wall of ice. The blind girl slowly held her hands in front of her as she walked, and she soon felt a wall of ice, again, in front of her.
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And here.
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All the girl could wonder was ‘What is this place?’ as she entered the door.
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Fix those.
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“Damn snow....I wish I hadn’t- what?” Misaki’s eyes grew wide.
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Okay, about that ellipse "...." There are only three periods in an ellipse. It does not matter on how long the pause. If the pause is longer, then you should not do an ellipse and just narrate the pause instead. Understand?
Okay, and here is the right way to do a dash:
Dash—Dash
No spaces. Get me?
Quote:
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Yet, before Misaki got angry, she felt another thing made of ice.......a doorknob.
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Here it is again. Only three periods.
Fix those.
Okay, your first assignment is two things:
1. The character I will be using to teach you with is Kai. His profile can be found in my sig. Kai Awai. Read his profile. Beware, it's a long read.
2. After you have done that, move onto your next lesson. You can find lesson one in the
intermediate thread.