Okay, sorry for the delay. Let's resume the evaluation:
Small error here:
Quote:
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Everywhere in the dreary village that he had found himself in was either closed, dilapidated beyond repair or seething with malevolence.
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You need a comma before the bolded word, since you are listing multiple things.
Awkward word choice here:
Quote:
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Taken over by the dark thoughts, Nate set off at a wild pace in any direction.
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The bolded word sounds strange here--read the sentence aloud to yourself to see if you can tell why. You don't usually use "any" with a positive phrase like "She did any homework." It's generally used in these sorts of situations for negative actions, like "She didn't eat any candy." I'd swap "any" for "a random", so that it reads:
Quote:
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Taken over by the dark thoughts, Nate set off at a wild pace in a random direction.
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Some missing commas here:
Quote:
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Knowing now that he was in very little danger Nate for the last time changed his pace.
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All right, I'll place commas where I'd naturally take pauses, and you can read it aloud for yourself to see how it sounds:
Quote:
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Knowing now that he was in very little danger, Nate, for the last time, changed his pace.
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...And that's all the errors I see worth pointing out. Great work! *applauds* This was very well-written.
Once you finish making the few corrections I asked for, I'll give you a new lesson. Your teacher shall be Cadenza Madrigal (although Hunter Merridale is substituting for her at the moment), since you don't seem to need any grammatical help and are ready to focus on more stylistic areas. :]