Quote:
Originally Posted by James Xyron
because he was in Hyrule, destroying the all that was good
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You mean "destroying all that was good".
Well, it's great. Much better writing than mine. But the only thing is, you seem to be explaining a whole lot. Sometimes that's good, but in some cases it's best to explain what you can now, and explain bits later, leadign up to an overall understanding of the main character, side character, or bad guy. Of course, we already know about Ganondorf, and those who don't can jsut read that, but I'm just saying, as for Khalen, you don't have to give away everything right away. You might not have for all I know, but it seems like you have to me.
Also, there didn't seem to be much reason for him becoming a mercenary, which doesn't seem to have been his occupation for that long. The girl he likes leaves, and he wants to become almost like an assassin? It's a bit of a strange idea.