Tears are running down my face....right now. Ever since I saw your custom rank that read: My life has crashed and burned, and location that read:Not here any more. You are all great friends, and good luck to you.....I started IMing and PMing people to figure out what had happened. And then....I saw your sig...so I clicked...and read.

I had a feeling of what the thread was going to turn out like, and I hate that that feeling came true. My eyes filled with tears after the first few lines. I didn't want to read anymore....I barley could because my ears were so blurry from the tears...but I did.

Yes...you do say it isn't my fault, but it really feels like it. I should of never sent you a postcard from the beach....I mean look what happened. You got banned from here.....Aol Instant Messanger....the computer. I somehow...even feels like it is my fault you broke up with Mary. I just want to say I am so, so sorry. I never thought this would of happened...never in a million years.

I hope that this doesn't turn out permanent...but if it does....I just want to tell you a few things....

When I first came to ZU I didn't know a lot of people....I can still remember my first post...it was on one of the updating boards. Andi replied a little later and complemented on my Ryoko avy. Well....about a month past....people usually skipped over my posts like they were nothing...it didn't really bother me...

One day...I think during August....I got a PM. " Love your avy! Chii rocks! Keep it forever! - Ascius" I replied back, happy as ever and said I would. A few days later I was really bored and decided to IM this Ascius person...not knowing I would talk to him almost everyday after that. We chatted about animé, video games, ect. You know? They stuff you type when you first get to know a person.

That was around the time when everyone on ZU was getting married....so you asked me, and I said yes. Heh....I loved our wedding chat...I even printed out a copy and let my friends read it at school. They all loved it and laughed so much. Me and Misti quoted it for two weeks at least.

So then we started having little random chats. We even stayed up till about three in the morning on some of them. One night...after three and a half hours of talking we created our chat, "Ascius and Ryoko's Uber Road Trip!" (Din clan knows what I am talking about) That would have to be the most fun I have ever had on a computer. I laughed so hard that night. Then, right before I got off....you told me how I always made you smile when I talked to you. I sat in bed for hours about those few words.

I think it was a month later, I went over to my mom's friend's house after school. That's when you broke the news to me about Mary(Ryoku). I was so heartbroken....I tired not to cry so my mom wouldn't suspect anything. It was so hard to keep the tears back....I knew after that moment....we wouldn't have hardly anymore funny chats left....wouldn't talk as much....and probally wouldn't be as close anymore.

Even though you tried your hardest...you still talked about Mary around me....But I knew you couldn't help it....so I just went along with it. I mean, how can I control your personal life?

Well...my family planned a trip to go to the beach a few weeks ago....and after talking to you one night, I asked you for your address so I could send you a postcard from the beach. I admit...it was as hard as hell to send you that postcard without my mom finding out anything...but I was thinking it was worth it when you got it....but now....I guess it's not.

Know...I know this may sound stupid...but I want to tell you my true feelings for you. I have been wanting to for so long, it seems like forever.

Ascius....I can't get you off my mind....no matter how hard I try. Everyday, as soon as I get to school, I go up to my locker, where Paige(Misti), Ashley, and Kristen usually wait. I always start off the conversation....usually about the internet....and you. I'll tell them about the chat me and you had...or something you said that was funny....and quote it the whole day.

No offense to Mary....but when you started going out with her...it felt like a piece of me was gone forever. I know you love her...and I don't blame you. I know I can't control your real life....like I said before...but I felt so heartbroken. I never wanted you to leave my side.

About my siggy and the quotes in them...no....they were not meant to be towards you....but I am starting to feel like they are. I read them everday...and it puts a smile on my face.

Okay....I don't think I ever said something like this on the internet before...I think I better stop before my keyboard doesn't work anymore from all the tears....I hope I didn't leave anything out...I have been wanting to tell you most of this for a long time, Ascius...I just never had the guts until now...So I will leave you with a few words....and hope you come back....and I am so, so sorry for anything I ever had done wrong...

I wanted you to know....I love you too, Ascius...

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