My life has just made its biggest turn of events it has ever experienced.

Today, when I went to school, I had a bad feeling in my chest, like I knew something bad was going to happen. When Mary walked by me this morning and handed me a note, I felt this ping in my heart. "Wait until I leave to read it, but read it when I do. It's important." She left. I unfolded the note, knowing what was inside it.

As you can probably already guess, my eyes welled up with tears by the third line. She had been thinking that we were better off as friends. The thing is, I had been thinking the same thing. I just didn't admit it. I didn't WANT to admit it. Surprisingly, though, the tears went away as I thought this. I went through the rest of the day pretty sad, but that probably happens in ANY breakup. Mary didn't see how I really felt. I acted normally in lunch. Mary.... I'm really not sure whether or not I did love you... But either way, right now, I do. Not in a "girlfriend-boyfriend" kind of way, but as a friend. I wanted to hold you and cry when I read the note, but I didn't want to embarrass you or myself.

I came home, and I was still feeling like crap, but then my world went to hell. Complete and utter hell. My mom handed me a postcard from one of my greatest friends on ZU, Ryoko. My mom asked who it was from, and I said it was from "someone I met on the internet". She got pissed. She gave me a huge lecture on people on the internet who pose as teenagers and wait until you give them information about yourself and an opportunity to strike.

As I was about to interject, she said, "now, I know what you're thinking. She was different, you had been talking to her for a long time, and there was no way she could have been one of those people." I had to just shut my mouth, since that was exactly what I was thinking. She said some more stuff as I sank down the wall I was leaning on, tears welling in my eyes, mind blurring. I heard one part clearly enough, however.

"You are banned from the computer, and talking online, and that website."

It was at that moment that tears fell down my face as I fell to the floor, and when I slowly retreated to my room, and closed the door, I cried. Full force crying, gasping and everything, for a good 10 minutes. Two of the biggest parts of my life had just been taken away from me within eight hours. Not fully taken away, especially in the case of Mary, but enough to make me leave the house, and take out my bicycle. I made sure my mom heard the door close when I left so that I could talk to her. When I stopped the bicycle by the side door, She asked me where I was going.

I told her that I was really sad, and that Mary and I had broken up that day, and I just needed to ride. I rode. I was gone for over forty minutes, and I didn't stop. I was tired, but I kept riding. Uphill, downhill, didn't matter. I wished my life could go uphill and downhill without care like that. Then I noticed that it wasn't not caring, it was numbness that let me push harder. I couldn't think. Bike, bike, bike. I usually don't get sad. It's hard to make me cry, but when your life goes from one of its happiest moments to its saddest moment, it's hard not to.

When I got home, I went to my mom's room and talked to her. I love my mother. She comforted me, and we talked about Mary and dating, and I didn't hate her even though she had banned me from one of the biggest parts of my life, the computer. I asked her if I could go on one last time, and she let me. I'm not going to Karate or Youth Group tonight. Nobody should have to see me like this in person.

I trust every one of you at ZU, and it's a shame that my mom doesn't know that it would be impossible for anyone here to be a killer. You are all great friends, and good luck to you all.

I'm crying like a little ********** at the moment. Thank god for my sense of humor. If I didn't have that, I'd probably kill myself after this. I had one quick thought about cutting myself with the pink plastic razor that sits on my nightstand, but then I realized that I was not an idiot.

Now, I want to mention the people here that have made my time here as enjoyable as possible.

First, Ryoko. I'll miss you most of all. Don't think that it's your fault because you sent the letter. It's my fault. My parents had told me never to tell anyone online personal information like that, and I wasn't thinking when I gave you my address. Don't feel guilty. Ryoko.... I've enjoyed talking to you, how much we've laughed, how badly I felt when I had to break up with you to pursue the real life relationship. I love you. I'll miss you. Don't mail me any more (cried when he typed that), since I think that that will only make it worse. Please, please e-mail me. Everyone e-mail me. I need encouragement right now. *Hugs Ryoko, moves on*

Next, BBD. Dave, you've helped me through problems before, and it's a real shame that you can't do much about the biggest one. We've laughed together, and I'll miss you, too. I can't think of much else to say, except "thanks".

Kedisar. You don't think you've done anything for anyone, but you have. You don't know it, but trying to help you out makes me feel good inside. I can't do it any more, but you have made an impact on my life. If you think you haven't, then..... Shut up. You have.

Andi. You are great. You make me laugh, and you showed me stuff that makes me laugh. For example, Mac Hall. I had a crush on you for a bit. I don't remember how long. A few weeks, probably. I just want to leave you with a thought you won't know what to do with. ^^ You're a great friend, Andi.

Sir Chuc. Hmm... What can I say about you? Asian-Australian. How cool is that? Chuc, you are one of the coolest people I've met around here. No joke. Keep making great art.

Tenkawa. You are awesome. Bebop obsessor, keep watching. Keep posting in the Din Clan. You've been a great friend to me, also.

And then, there's some people that I can't write about, because of the tears in my eyes, the want to stare at the ceiling and think of nothing, and my mom telling me that I've been on long enough. Those people are:

Remus, Zeus, Sigve3, WatermelonTROUT, DrewBalla, Mirren, SearanoX, Jace, Cade, Sacred Hero, The Merchant, Tristann Velorei, lord-of-shadow, and a bunch of others that I am too disoriented to remember at the moment.

I know that my leaving will affect the forums, though not as much as I think, even with a deflated ego. I loved my time here, and I will be posting whenever possible. Might even be more than expected. Well, with my longest post ever, I bid you all farewell. May you stare at this thread in shock.

*Bursts into tears, runs from the room*

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