The Legend of Zelda teaches us many lessons about life through its gameplay – some that your parents will like, and some that they won’t. Here are the top 5 real life teachings of the Legend of Zelda series.
#5: Always Cut the Grass
"I'm gonna get me some rupees and bombs!"
If there’s one thing that parents love about the Legend of Zelda, it’s that it gives their children an obsessive-compulsive urge to cut down any grass that they see. Every LoZ player knows that by cutting grass, you can often find rupees, bombs, arrows and even hearts.
Be warned though that these children may not discriminate between long grass and your prized bushes.
#4: Wear Heavy Iron Boots When Walking Into Lakes
Can't see Link swimming? That's because he's doing it right.
I’m sure everybody knows some people who could use this valuable advice. The Iron Boots are a staple of underwater exploration in the Zelda series, and without its help Link could never have explored the temples at the bottom of Lake Hylia.
As humans generally cannot breathe water, this is not a recommended course of action until you find some fishmen to make you a blue version of your clothes that will allow you to breathe water indefinitely.
#3: Pots Must Be Destroyed
This pottery cannot be trusted.
By far the most common of the minions of Ganon that Link encounters on his adventures, pots are dangerous creatures, which often hide in the houses of other people. If you see one, pick it up and smash it against the wall.
#2: Break Into Every House You See
This hero is on a heroic adventure!
Breaking into the houses of strangers is a necessary and important part of Link’s quests. Nobody will mind if you randomly wander into their house with a sword and shield and start attacking their pots – in fact, they will be happy to share valuable information with you when you do so!
#1: It’s Dangerous to Go Alone
A friendly member of the local Neighborhood Watch provides Link with help in the form of a sword.
The most important lesson of all. The world can be a dangerous place, so whenever you go on any sort of “adventure” remember to have backup, whether it is a wingman for a social event, a partner for a scuba diving expedition, or a spiky stick for a walk through the slums.
If you can think of any important life lessons taught by the Legend of Zelda that I missed, feel free to mention them in the comments.
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November 21st, 2009 at 8:11 am
Glass Jars, are very useful at carrying medicines of all sorts, water, bugs, and even fire! With all that, you could practically live in the out doors!
November 21st, 2009 at 8:19 am
Don't attack chickens. They will inevitably form a revolt and strike against you. You will most likely die, unless you can run into the nearest building fast enough.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:32 am
People hate you if you look like a cartoon.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:43 am
Running backwards and jumping sideways is a faster mode of transportation than running forward.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:16 am
Learn to play an ocarina/guitar/drums/bagpipes/or a baton
November 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
and grass whistles
November 21st, 2009 at 8:19 am
Chickens never die, but they will gang up on you if you attack them repeatedly. and they will never stay in any fenced-in area for any long period of time
November 21st, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Excelent!! i love this section
November 21st, 2009 at 8:41 am
Before I clicked this I thought it was something serious.
November 21st, 2009 at 1:20 pm
It is important to remember that no matter how many times one falls into a seemingly bottomless chasm that they will always reappear at the edge of said cliff without any serious consequence. That is, if the random floating hearts above your head are sufficient to maintaining one's life-force…
[to further this, do not forget that wearing shoes with tiny mercuric wings will allow you to cross said chasm for a few steps a la Christ-on-water.]
November 21st, 2009 at 1:30 pm
that gettin new boots and running into trees as hard as you can will give you rupees. That people who where unique hats will oneday save the world. little girls who you pay two rupees will not tell you anything. That starting a buisness as a baby will make you incredibly popular and rich to the extent where over half the people in hyrule town have bags with you're face on them.
November 21st, 2009 at 9:53 am
Here’s one:
You must hit any animals you see with a sword, except chickens. With the exception of chickens, all animals will drop money, bombs, and medicine upon being killed, and will disintegrate shortly after. Chickens, however, cannot die and should not be harmed. Ever. Grabbing one by the feet and jumping off a cliff, however, is perfectly fine.
November 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
to be depressed about sad trees
"whoa, look at this tree, its got a face and its so sad!"
tatl:"who cares if it looks sad. its just a tree!"
link:"well yea but.look at its face!..its so sad"
tatl: "trees don't even have faces
November 21st, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I never realized how dangerous Zelda actually was.
November 21st, 2009 at 3:10 pm
" This pottery can not be trusted." That's hilarious. So, I should also break into my friends' house? Okay! This is gonna be AWESOME!
November 21st, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Never leave without a map and compass. The map tells you where to go and the compass reveals all the locations of treasure and where the boss is.
November 21st, 2009 at 3:18 pm
That way, you can easliy find said boss and kill him. (After you picked up the dungeon item).
November 21st, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I've for one: get a pair of earrings.
November 21st, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Digging small holes in the ground will yield hearts, money, and weaponry. Should you run out of ground to dig up, simply walk away and then return; the ground will be back to an un-dug state.
November 21st, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Always come prepared with a horse when crossing large open fields. The walk will take you a few days to cross the entire terrain if you're walking on foot. Also look out for weird looking creatures that are spread across these huge fields, as they carry many valuable items needed for your journey.
November 21st, 2009 at 4:43 pm
When travlling with girls never let them see, big mice, large spiders, and above all else skeleton phantoms. Girls get creeped out waaay to easily.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:33 pm
You mean link? (Or did you really mean the series of Zelda?)
November 21st, 2009 at 5:43 pm
I would never look for my boss.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:49 pm
They aren't called skeleton phantoms, they are called reaplings.
November 21st, 2009 at 6:12 pm
If you're small enough, rolling will be faster than running everywhere.
November 21st, 2009 at 6:18 pm
DUDE!!! LOL hahahaha
November 21st, 2009 at 6:20 pm
don't like Dark? well, little girl, play a song that will make the Sun instantly come up. don't like sunlight? well Mr. Vampire, play the same song and the Sun will go away. Drought? Don't have a car? play a song and a Horse will appear behind you. or screw the horse, play a song and a little ball of light, or a tornado, or a pair of wings that devour you will instantly bring you to you destination. Mummies encircling your house? play a song. not enough of an updraft to let you fly on you leaf? play a song.
November 21st, 2009 at 6:24 pm
oh, and remember to SAY NO to magic swords. you think drugs are bad. well they are, but magic swords are guaranteed to put you in a seven year coma every time. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle. L. O. Z.!
November 21st, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Whenever you encounter a floating phantom, run into the nearest color-changing sidewalk.
November 21st, 2009 at 7:51 pm
Also, music is not about do re mi fa sol la ti. it's about A, ↑, ↓, →, ←
November 21st, 2009 at 4:32 pm
1- Do not worry if you see a talking boat or hat. It's perfectly normal.
2- I am Error.
3- Walking into a volcano is never a good idea… that is, unless you are wearing red.
4- Gloomy-looking travestites are your friends, despite all appearances.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Wanna see the world from a different view? Just put some fruit on your head and instantaneously your soul will be transfered into a seagull (when seagull is present) and leave your old body lifeless. Now you are free to roam the skies (for a certain distance) and find hard to reach treasures in the sky.
November 21st, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Just because you have a third of the ultimate power ever to exist does not mean you can do anything different than before. I mean, after all it's only the power of the gods, why would you think it could make you fly? You need a chicken for that.
November 21st, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Jump off a 50ft. cliff. Don't worry, you'll only lose 3 – 5 hearts.
November 22nd, 2009 at 1:08 am
if your small enouh crawl into a hole, if you carry a chicken on your head you'll fly, digging up graves gives you treasure, repeaditly crashing into trees dosnt give you brain damage, swimming in freezing water wont give you hypothermia, if you want it too rain sing the song of storms, you'll never be tired even if you stay up 24/7, man i got a million of them. XD
November 21st, 2009 at 11:25 pm
lol!
November 22nd, 2009 at 4:26 am
Being sad while riding your horse into a ridiculously open forest will inevitable lead you to an alternate dimension.
November 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 am
Locked/ Barred Door? Puzzle to solve? Search everywhere for inconspicuous Gold Eye Switches.
Worst Case Senerio: Don't have enough small keys to get into the last room. Always cary extra! =)
When in Doubt wistle the Song of Time. If you are lucky a large blue block will appear.
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:33 am
You can instantly learn to play instruments if its thrown into a moat by a princess
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 am
You forgot some:
1 – Explode any cracks on walls you see with bombs.
2 – Chickens are immortal, and they will kill you if you disturb them.
3 – "Error knows a secret" = Dudes named Error are important.
4 – If all else fails use fire.
5 – "Pay me for the door repair charge." This teaches you not to break into everyone's house or else you might be charged for the door. Who lives under a tree by the way?
6 – Going inside a house with a young lady can recover your health. If the lady is old you will recover your magic instead.
7 – Chronology is something too hard to understand, so stop studying history.
8 – You can put anything inside bottles, from soup to deku princesses.
9 – Giant trees and fish are friendly and possibly dungeons/temples.
10 – Only people named Link are true heroes.
November 22nd, 2009 at 7:10 am
you forgot
1) twili curced artifact bring all the fun of geting high without the extenceive tramas.
and
2) stalking people, be it with or without, a camera, will truely bring joy to the world!
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:17 pm
The boss is the source of all the worlds problems. Kill them and the world will be a much better place.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:50 am
hahaha!
November 23rd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
So what are they really feeding us at Chick-Fil-A?
November 24th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Haha thats a good one
November 24th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
GOLD
That's all I have to say.
November 25th, 2009 at 4:31 am
Dont feel like completing your journey cheat your way through hyrule with codes
November 25th, 2009 at 4:45 am
stuck on a cliff:
where your boots with wings
use your white maned horse
hook/claw/grapple hook to the vine on the other side *ooooh a cliff i have no way of getting to the side except that attachable vine all i have are bows gears boots slingshots and a grappable clawshot
jumping off an extremely high cliff only takes three hearts you'll be okay
November 25th, 2009 at 4:50 am
burning yourself only gives you heart burn make sure you have enough hearts
December 30th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
Naked ugly chics with seaweed around them that fly are goood
xD
23 is number 1!
Big swords break unless you go on ridiculous long time quests to get something to make them not break.
If you ever wonder into a house full of spiders that talk…its ok, they are just trapped and need help and will reward you.
Always swing your fishing rod around people with hats on
Only talk to angry gorons if you are a sumo
If you have a bow…and your standing in a lake in the morning…shoot the sun ;D
March 29th, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Rolling is a faster way to travel than walking, you should roll everywhere you go, even on stairs.
May 14th, 2010 at 1:03 am
you should always gather all the frogs when it's spring time. use your special glass to see the dead. stones will tell you the time if you slash them, or ever better, the secrets of the world. play with the five kids that live on the moon and you'll save the world (the easy way).
June 14th, 2010 at 12:57 am
When somebody gives you a bottle of milk or oil, the bottle is valuable but the contents are disposable. In fact, many people skip them and just give empty bottles as rewards.
Fairys, aka fireflies, are valuable until theey follow you around and try to give you advice. Then you want to kill em.
Temples in hard-to-reach places are filled with traps, monsters, puzzles, and sometimes lava.
July 11th, 2010 at 2:07 am
*Doesn't know this is a joke*
July 21st, 2010 at 9:44 am
-dont bother learning geography, itll rearrange itsself every few years anyway.
-milk not only builds strong bones, it spontaneously heals your injuries
-taking off your metal boots makes them weightless
-unless youre in town, violence is always the answer
-no matter how strong you are, you can never just move that pesky rock
-the only thing more dangerous than a chicken is a pig on an island
July 27th, 2010 at 5:05 pm
Wow, you're not funny at all.