Honey, I Ate The Princess
Ah…here we arrive at a dungeon that the child in me ten years ago cringes in horror over. Yes, this was one of the tougher dungeons for me as a kid, which surprised me today when I blitzed through it in a little over an hour. Inside Jabu-Jabu Link makes one of his connections with the people of Hyrule. Interestingly, I’ve noticed that the first people you truly seem to care about in the story are young girls such as Zelda, Malon, and Ruto. I suppose Miyamoto did this to try and build the relationships that people still to this day argue over on the Internet, at conventions, or even while playing. Either that or he was a pervert.
The Zora, a lovely and strangely polite aquatic race, are in need of Link’s assistance. However, unlike the Hylian royalty, the Zora are oddly hospitable to Link’s entrance to their domain, as shown by his meeting with King Zora, who is distraught over his daughter’s disappearance. After Link uncovers that Zora’s daughter, Ruto, is inside Jabu-Jabu’s belly, King Zora grants him entrance in a hilarious sequence that resembles some of my larger friends making room on their couch for me to sit, accompanied by sounds resembling a frog’s mating call. After this minute-long cut scene, Link finds himself in the presence of the Zora deity, Lord Jabu-Jabu, whereupon he is eaten along with a sacrificial fish.
Surprisingly, instead of a Game Over screen, Link is unharmed. The same, unfortunately, could not be said for the fish. Venturing forth Link meets the most annoying of people, Princess Ruto, who demands to be carried for no adequately explained reason through the temple. Link, who is mute and can thus not disagree, is forced to perform this grueling and incredibly humiliating task as he progresses through the dungeon.
Now, interestingly enough, something in this dungeon causes a dynamite shift in the player’s relationship with Link. And it begins with Ruto, who at first is almost as single-minded as Link to recover the third Spiritual Stone. The player sees their reflection, a person who wants what Link wants, though for completely different reasons. Ruto’s desires for the Zora Sapphire are to keep an heirloom from her mother safe, while Link desires it to rescue her and the land from danger.
Jabu-Jabu’s Belly is interesting, but I feel it doesn’t make use of the theme very well. I would have loved to stray into further regions of Jabu-Jabu’s anatomy (not where you’re thinking, perverts) such battling the heart and lungs which could also have been affected by the spell Jabu-Jabu’s brain is under during the boss battle. The big fish could have survived it, after all Lord Jabu-Jabu lives on even without his brain, perhaps suggesting that religion requires no brains whatsoever! Ah, the complex underlining themes that so emerge in the most simplistic places…it’s mind-boggling!
Okay, less stupid jokes about brains. Link needs to get back to Hyrule Castle and give Zelda the Spiritual Stones! Off we go!
Ruto reminds Link that, while Navi is incredibly annoying, at least he doesn't have to carry the fairy around like a spoiled fish princess.
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November 21st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
hey does anybody remember sinister? no? ok well I’m back and as the name I left suggests I’m going through some “changes” well I will be some time within six months (hmm wonder why I just did that…. oh well…) if anyone thinks they are like me respond to this comment and I’ll get back to you, now then that I’ve weirded a few people out I beleive I can speak for all those individuals of this generation within the community I have entered is that ocarina of time is certainly one of the best video games ever made I’d say second to final fantasy seven and if noone agrees with that I can assure you that sephiroth with the triforce is the most terrifying thing imaginable, though don’t get me wrong ganondorf is an ok villain, and honestly I don’t know who is a better hero in comparing link and cloud.
November 21st, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Best game ever made, end of story. Also the game that gave inspiration to the creation of this very website.
November 21st, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Ah, OoT brings so many childhood memories… Best game ever, not only in terms of sentimental value. The storyline and everything, it boarders perfection. Oh how I wish Nintendo would make a remake of this game with graphics in TP style.
This review is made of pure win, and I admire you for managing to stay awake for so long! But I should also thank you for writing this. It brought back many, many good memories. OoT will last forever.
November 21st, 2008 at 11:23 pm
IMPORTANT!!!!!!
the u.s. naruto website is going to start showing dubbed episodes of naruto shippuuden in january!!!!!!
November 22nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
A beautifully written tribute to a great video game. As I said commenting on Lefty’s article, I was only four when OoT was released so the first time I played it it wasn’t as difficult as older gamers will remember. Still, it captivated me and entertained me, and it’s one of the best damn games I’ve ever played.
And kate: What???
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:21 pm
so? we’re talking about OoT here, not naruto episodes.
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:39 pm
you know what would be great?
ocarina of time DS
come on they did it for ff iv and soon v as expected and as someone in the game hints at so in other words… please nintendo, ocarina DS and maybe majora’s mask or… a link to the past… with ocarina of time’s graphics on the DS… oh so many ideas… (insert maniacle feminine laughter… stupid male form…)
November 22nd, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Barinade’s a tumor, not Jabu-Jabu’s brain.
Great review, though I really think you should have done this in advance so you wouldn’t lose sleep and have to rush this.
November 24th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Ah, Pfft.
Wind Waker and Twilight Princess were better.
November 25th, 2008 at 2:35 am
HERESY!!!!! I beleive this speacks for anyone who reads your comment, pfft? PFFT? tww is paled in comparison to ocarina now though my ranting may suggest otherwise I actually do have a life so I will not argue and let the other old school gamers rip you into peices (insert maniacle feminine laughter…. stupid male body)
November 26th, 2008 at 12:23 am
I just finished reading the review, and I thought it was very detailed and insightful! I used to play OoT when I was little, and reading this brought back a lot of memorable moments, like the death of the Great Deku Tree. Kudos for you! I would also like to note that your humour and extensive use of vocabulary was top-notch! As for the person who said “Pfft”, I’m going to shred you into pieces!!1!!!
November 26th, 2008 at 1:15 am
nicely done andy… ha ha ha (insert maniacle feminine laughter… stupid male body…)…. (yes that is sort of my thing….)
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:50 pm
This was a great game, and a great review. The only thing I feel you looked over was the story of the creation of Hyrule. That cinematic was, for me, the point of no return. I have, since about 2 years of age, romped in the lands of Hyrule. However, up until this point, it was just a virtual place on my tv screen. I loved it, don’t get me wrong. I have always been in love with Hyrule, but after seeing the creation. The care the goddesses took to make everything, and their selves that they gave up to give it the life they so desired was immensely immersive for me. The fact that Miyamoto, and the others, went to the lengths to give us this background which was wholly unnecessary to the plot (except for connecting us more with Hyrule, as you have stated) filled me with awe. It was that point which I realized this wasn’t just a story. It was a world which the creators loved, and wished for me to love as well.